1. |
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Jube and Tobias, Tobias and Jube
They look like they were squeezed from a tube
No corners or edges, unlike a cube
A flower has a colour
And a bee goes on a flower
And ‘hue’ means colour
So that makes ‘hube’
I’m not a libar — this is all trube!
I am Tobias and I’ve got two arms
I don’t use them to cause troubles or harms
I feel how I do and I show how I feel
My best friend’s hube is lighter than teal
It’s also lighter and bluer than viridian
Yellow or pink is also forbiddien
My name’s Jube and I am alive
There’s only one of me, which is fewer than five
It’s less fewer but still fewer than three
And two is twice as many as me
It’s equal to four, if you quadruple it
From a rabbit’s bum you can get a poo pellet
Together we laugh
And experience joy
This is the end of our bit
Usually polite but rarely pious
Eschewing racial prejudice and bias
Coming into town
And knocking shops down
And making small business owners cry, “God, why us?”
This is all the truth-us — I would never lie-us
Tobias and Jube, Jube and Tobias
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2. |
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There’s adventure everywhere you look, if you just open your eyes
(Yeah yeah)
Although your eyes would be open anyway if you were looking in the first place
(I was gonna say)
Well, the point is, we can have an adventure now
(Really??)
Anything can be an adventure if you let me show you how
(Yes please!)
(Aw yeah)
Bicycle adventure!
We could take apart a bicycle and wear the wheels like hats
And become influential fashion designers and make everyone wear concrete
(Nice!)
Pumpkin scone adventure!
We could take a crumb from a pumpkin scone and feed it to an ant
And the ant becomes our lifelong chum, and he plays a tiny piano
(Awww!)
Lunchbox adventure!
We could fill a lunchbox with our dreams and launch it into space
And years from now, we find on our doorstep a container full of alien dreams
(Cool!)
Salt adventure!
We could stir some salt into a bottle of milk and put it back in the fridge
(Hey, what?)
And wait to see our housemate’s reaction when he has his breakfast cereal
(So that was you!)
(All right Jube, now it’s your turn!)
(What?)
(Yeah, c’mon matey, you’re up to bat, c’mon three-two-one-GO!)
(No! No, no, I’m not— No, I’m not ready, I don’t want to!)
Cup adventure!
We... we could take a cup
(Yeah)
to somewhere that something exciting is happening…
(Yeah, good start)
and participate. And drink juice from the cup!
(OK, try again)
Church adventure!
We could go to church and burn down the church and kill everybody inside
(Whoa!)
And they live with God in eternal happiness and we win the Nobel Peace Prize
(No! No, no! That’s not what would happen)
Spoon adventure!
We could peer at a spoon and cross over into the upside-down mirror world
Where we fall endlessly into the sky and have to live on the moon
(Now you’re getting it!)
Stick adventure!
We could carve a stick into a spear and use it to hunt for meat
And eventually develop agriculture, and before you know it the sun explodes
There’s adventure everywhere you look, if you just open your eyes
Alternatively you could keep them closed and use your imagination
(Oh, good point)
Well, the MAIN point is, you can have an adventure now
Anything can be an adventure and we just showed you how
(Hey, Tobias. This, like, game would be fun for long car trips, wouldn’t it?)
(Yeah! Good thinking, buddy. Or long train trips.)
(Yeah, or trips through SPACE!)
(Yeah, or trips to Hell after you burn a church down!)
(Ha ha ha ha ha…)
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3. |
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Mister Slug, chosen by Buddha
Not a go-getter but nor a coulda-woulda
Sweet like potato and plain like sugar
The path you choose will shine like a booger
Mister Slug, facing west
Better than the worst but worse than the best
Tough like steak and raw like eggs
With his new best friend Aloysius Jumpylegs
Mister Slug, back to the east
Less than the greatest but greater than the least
Mister Slug, left to the south
The wind at his tail and dirt in his mouth
Mithter Thlug, right to the north
Thlithering thlowly ‘cauth he can’t ride a horth
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4. |
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Forbidden wisdom,
Concealed and arcane
The power of the moon
Directed through your brain
The light of the night
Moulded by your pinky finger
Father,
I have given you the knowledge
And nigh draws the hour
For you to use this power
Father,
You could grant breath and consciousness to statues made of rock
Or transform a five-fingered glove into a one-foot sock
Yet at the threshold you linger
Like a cold plastic bag full of porridge
Like there’s ice cubes in your gizzard
Your feeble eyes implore me
But your tired excuses bore me
So I tell you once again:
Dad,
If you want to be a wizard
You’re gonna have to kiss some men
Father,
Why don’t you kiss a man?
We both know that you can
There’s nothing stopping you
From turning green grass blue
(Or growing new cows from beef stew)
Father,
Why can’t you snog some blokes?
Magic’s not all hats and cloaks
And words said backwards
‘Pon some gents you must go mackwards
You could fly to a distant star and be back before yesterday
You could knit a pair of invisible mittens out of dark matter along the way
You know the spells (You know the spells)
You’ve brewed the potions
You have performed (You’ve performed)
Six of seven motions
But all the rites I’ve taught
Will culminate in naught
If you’re too yella
To smooch a fella
Yah yah yah-yah yah, yah yah yaaahhh (Kiss a man!)
Yah yah yah-yah yah, yah yah yaaahhh (Kiss a man!)
Yah yah yah-yah yah, yah yah yaaahhh (Kiss a man!)
Yah yah yah-yah yah, yah yah yaaahhh (Kiss a man!)
Father,
Why won’t you pash a dude?
Kissing isn’t wrong or rude
Unless you don’t ask
Or neglect to remove your surgical mask
Father,
Why shouldn’t you neck a chap?
His mouth does not contain a trap
(His scratchy beard is covered in plastic wrap)
He doesn’t taste like crap
Or smell like poo
He’s not unsightly or bad
The only problem is you, Dad
The only problem is you
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5. |
I AM A CAMEL
04:10
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I might look like a little caterpillar
I might look like a little caterpillar
I might look like a little caterpillar
I might look like a little caterpillar
I might seem like a tiny caterpillar on a leaf
Nothing but a drop of dew and me
Am I a little caterpillar?
I might look like a little caterpillar
I might look like a little caterpillar
I might look like a little caterpillar
I might seem like a tiny caterpillar on a leaf
But that’s your belief
I am a camel!
I am a camel!
I am a camel! I am a camel! I am a camel!
I am a camel! I am a camel, and I’ve got lots of friends!
I am a camel (She is a camel)
I am a camel (She is a camel)
I am a camel (She is a camel)
I’m a big, big camel (Oh what a camel)
(La, la, la-la-la, la, la-la)
(La, la, la-la-la, la, la-la)
(La, la, la-la-la, la, la-la)
(La, la, la-la-la, la, la-la)
Well a camel, which is what I am,
Is tall enough to ride a man
Yes it’s easy to climb up a tree
For a camel, for example me
Well a camel, which is what I am,
(I am a dromedarian strong furry lumpy mammal)
Is tall enough to ride a man
(A man can’t step on me)
Yes it’s easy to climb up a tree
(‘Tremendous’ and ‘fleet’ are my bywords)
For a camel like me
(And a camel eats birds)
Camels live in the desert. That’s a place that’s yellow and empty. And in fact, you can see it from where we are right now. That’s right — I’m talking about the moon.
I am a camel. I can live for a thousand years on a single drop of water.
I am a camel. People show me respect, and if they don’t, I can spit in their face.
I am a camel. I sing to the night, a sweet baritone roar, rolling across the dunes.
I am a camel. And one day soon, I will become the biggest, hairiest butterfly you’ve ever seen.
I am a camel
I really am a camel
Why doesn’t anyone believe me?
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6. |
Becky
03:12
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Becky… Becky…
Becky… Becky…
I wandered, self-conscious as a cloud
Sensing the beings below me
Looking up at my bottom
And saying, “That one looks like a duck.”
Becky you don’t have to wear a moustache
Becky wipe that eyeliner away
Becky don’t you know that you’re so beautiful
You should live today as if it’s your last day
Becky you don’t need a special top hat
What do you mean, is this top hat your top hat?
I’m not even carrying a top hat
Oh this one? No I brought this one from home
Does it really look just like your top hat?
Well, I’ve never seen it, so I wouldn't know
Becky you’re distracted,
The point is you don't need it, ‘cause
Becky you don’t have to wear a moustache
Becky wipe that eyeliner away
Becky don’t you know that you’re so beautiful
You should live today as if it’s your last day
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7. |
Maririn, O Maririn
02:56
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Whose eyes are like December skies with stars a-twinkling in?
It’s Mari-ri-ri-rin,
Mari-ri-ri-ri-ri-rin,
Mari-ri-ri-ri-ri-ri-ri-ri-ri-rin
The glow inside her heart expands a mile beyond her skin
She’s Mari-ri-ri-rin,
Mari-ri-ri-ri-ri-rin,
Mari-ri-ri-ri-ri-ri-ri-ri-ri-rin
A field of electricity
Transmitting your felicity
To all in your vicinity
Oh, Maririn, is this enchantment or divinity?
And whence the gentle fog that carries you above the dickens?
Is it a cloud of pixie dust or just a flock of chickens?
Maririn, O Mari-ri-ri-rin
Where does joy end and you begin?
(Whoooooa! Heeeyyy! [etc.])
Whose eyes are like the veil of darkness punctured with a pin?
It’s Mari-ri-ri-rin,
Mari-ri-ri-ri-ri-rin,
Mari-ri-ri-ri-ri-ri-ri-ri-ri-rin
A swarm of screaming demons from beyond is streaming in
Through Mari-ri-ri-rin,
Mari-ri-ri-ri-ri-rin,
Mari-ri-ri-ri-ri-ri-ri-ri-ri-rin
A power that is meant to kill
Extending like a tentacle
And tight’ning ‘round my ventricle
And circulating messages that are not complimentrical
And draining colour from the world, and wiping every grin off
You stole the scene so thoroughly you’ll prob’ly get a spin-off
Maririn, O Mari-ri-ri-rin
Why does joy end where you begin?
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8. |
Let's Go Home for Tea
03:47
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Whoa oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh
Let’s go home for tea
We found a hat
And had a lot of questions
Hat-related questions, yeah (Yeah)
We rode to the sky
On a magic potato
But we couldn’t find the answers there (Oh no)
We made a friend (We made a friend)
A very tall friend
Having trouble with her facial hair
(It all worked out) It all worked out
It worked out in the end
Then it ended in catastrophe
Whoa oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh
Let’s go home for tea
Oh-oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh
Let’s go home for tea
(We’ve got a hat) We’ve got a hat
We’ve got a magic hat
And nothing’s gonna stand in our way (Oh no no no)
We could go and rob a bank
Or commandeer a tank (Bang bang)
But it’s getting kind of late in the day
(Oh yeah) The possibilities
(Ho ho) Don’t sound as nice as cups of teas
(Hee hee) Yeah some bickies and a spot of Earl Grey (Yummy)
Then we’ll take it in turns
To look like Friedrich Nietzsche
Or someone else we’d like to be
Whoa oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh
Let’s go home for tea
Oh-oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh
Let’s go home for tea
(I’d like some scones, with cream and jam)
We found a hat (We found a hat)
And had a lot of questions
Hat-related questions, yeah
(We rode to the sky) We rode to the sky
On a magic potato
But we couldn’t find the answers there
(We made a friend) We made a friend
A very tall friend
Having trouble with her facial hair (She couldn’t grow a moustache)
It all worked out
It worked out in the end
Then it ended in catastrophe
Whoa oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh
Let’s go home for tea
Oh-oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh
Let’s go home for tea
Whoa oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh
Let’s go home for tea
Whoa-oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh oh-ooohhh…???
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Patrick Alexander's Melody Zone Tokyo, Japan
Patrick Alexander is very real and serious.
"The most serious best musician we've
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